Thursday, March 09, 2006

Exercise Propaganda

Dear Dr. Spurious:

I'm average height and weight: about 5'6 and 345 lbs. I typically avoid physical activity, since it makes me breathe harder and sweat profusely from every place possible. However, I'm hearing more and more from supposed "medical professionals" about the "benefits" of regular exercise. I know I don't need it, but I'm told that if I exercise a lot, it can prevent me from getting fat in the future.

Anyway, I'm just wondering: should I take this exercise thing seriously, or is it just another passing fad?


Fit in Florida

Well, Fit, I've often found that when people tell others to exercise, it is often because they are in a state of dependence upon exercise. Almost "addicted" to it, you could say. Just as with smoking or drinking, it could only take one experience with exercise to become addicted.

Further, exercising often requires you to go outside. As everyone knows, there are many dangers outside, such as tigers and crocodiles. If I were to guess, I'd say that in the United States, over a million people a year are killed by crocodiles alone! I would put the deaths due to obesity at about 100 people per year. I think you can do the math.

In addition to the lack of tigers and crocodiles, staying indoors and performing healthy, non-movement related activities such as watching television or playing video games has many health benefits. For example, the layers of fat (or as I like to call them, "Health Deposits"), can prevent you from starving if you cannot eat for a week or two due to a natural disaster, getting stuck in a chair, or other unforseen circumstances. Your Health Deposits will also make you more attractive to women, since they will know you have enough money to eat lots of food.

Getting eaten by tigers or being loved by hordes of women: the choice is yours.


At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You didn't even mention the problem of dogs. Dogs are everywhere, and they tend to kill more people than any other natural force outside of tornadocanequakes (tornadoes the size of hurricanes that happen at the same time as earthquakes).

At 3:47 AM, Blogger Sponge Girl said...

In this context it's also irresponsible not to mention the threat of cooties.


Post a Comment

<< Home