Hand Washing: "Science?"

Q: What's all this hubbub about washing hands? It seems lately that every fast food restaurant that hires me (briefly) has a sign in the bathroom that says "Employees must wash hands." That's a bunch of crap! What makes them think they can run my life like that?

Sincerely,

Filthy in Delaware


A: You're right, Filthy. The modern obsession with hand-washing stems from an ancient superstition that diseases are caused by "germs," tiny creatures not unlike elves or gnomes that somehow climb into your body and wreak havoc. They are commonly depicted in Greco-Roman mythology as very small and green, and are also said to have a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yeah, right! The scientific evidence in favor of this view is questionable at best. I recommend not washing your hands because dirt forms what I like to call a "health shield" that keeps out illness vibes.