Leeches

This article at least has some good points (which is more than I can say for most other articles on the site). I think it's great that the Federal Dork Administration (my own cute pet term for them) allows leeches in medical treatment. But all throughout history doctors have been using leeches all wrong! Most "doctors" put the leeches on the sick patient to "help heal wounds and restore circulation in blocked blood veins." That's ridiculous. What you should do is put the leeches on a healthy person (preferably an athlete) and then feed the blood-fattened leeches to the sick patient so they can gain the strength of the healthy one. Duh! The article also states:

Under the law, a medical device is any article designed to diagnose, cure, treat, prevent, or mitigate a disease or condition; or to affect the function or structure of the body that does not achieve its effect primarily through a chemical action and is not metabolized.

Don't even get me started on that!